So this morning, I attended a church I do not normally attend. I was singing in a choir in place of one of my teachers who is in Washington D.C. this weekend, so it will likely be the only time I ever go there, unless I sing for him again. However, I felt the message to be extremely relevant to things going on in my life recently.
The message was based around John 4:1-26. The story presented here is where Jesus talks to a Samaritan Woman at Jacob’s well about the Living Water, and how those who drink the Living Water will never be thirsty again. Now, throughout the story, it is clear that the woman has lived a sinful life and that she is scorned for who she is by all of her peers. Jesus does not look down upon her or judge her. In fact, he simply loves her.
Now that being said, it made me think that who are we to judge others? I know this isn’t going to be a smooth transition into what I’m trying to say, but this sermon is what sparked my thought, and what made me write down my thoughts on the bulletin. Here is how I feel about Reparative Therapy (also called Conversion Therapy or Reorientation Therapy):
Organizations and programs that claim they can “change” a person’s orientation and make them heterosexual are in fact a lot like hair dye companies. They offer you a “product” that will make them money, that in fact will only change you in appearance.
Think about it. Hair dye is a chemical that is absorbed into your hair. It is dangerous and damaging to the hair, but people do it because they want to appear to be something they aren’t. They want to be accepted by others, or feel better about themselves…but the change is only temporary. You may be able to make your blonde hair look brown, but at the core, the hair is still blonde, and over time, the dyed hair begins to fade and grow, and you realize that the root is still blonde. There is no way to change the color of your hair. It is what it is.
In the same way, you cannot actually change a person’s sexual orientation. People who go to reparative therapy are looking for a way out of the hatred, both by themselves and by others. This fear and hate is enough cause for them to be upset, and to look for quick fixes, but the reality is that we cannot change who we are. We can put on a mask, and be taunted and tormented with enough hatred and self-loathing that we can bury a part of ourselves, so that no one else can see, and even we see a new reflection in the mirror, but that part of ourselves is still there.
Now some people will try to give me facts about how people have thought they were gay, then they were bisexual, then gay again, and then straight, and blah blah blah…sure, some people actually do change sexual orientation. Some people claim they are changing orientation when really they’re just trying to fit in somewhere and they’re lying about who they really are to get where they want. Not everyone is like that though. I used to consider myself bisexual, and I honestly believe that I was. There is still a 0.1% part me that likes girls, but that is not enough for me to consider myself bisexual. It honestly used to be 50/50 between guys and girls, but as many people say, sexuality is fluid. It moves and changes, especially when we are still discovering who we are.
I can even use the hair analogy still. My natural hair color is brown. Has it been brown my whole life? No. I was born with blonde hair and blue eyes. It wasn’t until I was about 5 years old that my hair started turning brown, and my eyes gradually changed to hazel. Is this because someone changed them, or I chose to change them? No, this happened naturally, but it didn’t change who I am as a person. It is the same as aging. As you get older, hair color gradually changes, and gray hairs start to appear. The same goes for sexuality. It can change over time, and as in all sexual desires, they fade and age, and turn into something more loving than just whether or not I want to sleep with a guy.
All this being said, I am trying to say that humans cannot change who a person is, especially sexual orientation wise. I am not saying that God cannot change a person. He has the power to do anything He desires, but if he truly wanted to change me, or any other gay person, He can, and He could have back when I prayed for answers and guidance. I even asked Him to make me straight on a daily basis because I was afraid I was disappointing Him. He didn’t change me though. I don’t believe He wants me to change. That is my opinion, and I don’t expect you to agree.
Now that I have finished writing out my thoughts, I want you to know that I apologize for how haphazard it is, and the disorganization of thought. It was meant as a whole for people to realize that Reparative Therapy does not work, and is in fact very harmful to those they are trying to “help.”
Thanks,
– Josiah –
What's Important to Me 